So, I toasted a teacake that had two intersecting lines on top of it, before buttering and eating it in honour of someone or other who died a few years or so ago today. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So, I created a factual text, and surrendered it to an academic establishment on a pre-ordained date. The establishment then rated it on a scale of between zero and one hundred, which decided how much money I would earn in my life. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So, I was waiting for the bus, when all of a sudden I momentarily glanced at a mechanical device that was tied to my wrist via a strip of cow’s leather. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So, I walked into a darkened, smoky room, where I was approached by a series of young women. After finding one that I liked the look of, I followed her into a smaller room, where in exchange for some bank notes, she danced to some music, while showing me her mammary glands and vagina. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So I was stood in a queue when this large, two-floored metal box on wheels arrived. I gave the person driving it a pound, and I was conveyed to the rough area of my desired destination, via the approximate location that the others wanted to enter and leave the vehicle. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So, some friends came to my house, where we spent some hours communicating with each other over plates of dead animals and vegetation and some glasses of rotten fruit juice. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So, I purchased a brown tube of compressed leaves, set one end on fire, put the other end to my lips, and drew some of the smoke into my respiratory system, before breathing it out through my mouth and nose. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So I got out of the car, inserted a hose into an aperture in its side, and pumped a quantity of refined fossilised plant matter into it, before giving some money to an assistant and driving away. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So, I ran some hot water, added a small amount of a leading brand of surfactant, and submerged some pieces of porcelain caked with leftovers from last night’s dinner in the solution, scrubbing them vigorously. You know what I was doing, don’t you?
So, I gave a heavily-built man a fiver before proceeding into a darkened room to listen to the repetitive oscillations of a PA setup, while paying extortionate prices for fermented vegetable drinks. You know what I was doing, don’t you?